Choosing Our Life Path

A poetic essay on Saturn's return in Aries

It feels like I am walking on stepping stones through lava. But it is not a game. My Saturn return in Aries is here, and I am walking a very narrow path through the unknown. Every moment, every decision feels almost critical. God has a path for me, but naturally, my human ego is resistant to the divine truth. Faith is calling me once again, or it seems over and over again, I have to decide to pursue something I have no guarantee of success in. The major crossroad I am in at this time is whether to continue to actualize my spiritual gifts as a conscious business. Every time it seems impossible, some angel, some miracle happens, and I am carried through once more. I am facing another hurdle at the moment – I don't know if I am going to make it; in fact, I don't see the end of it yet, or anytime soon. I am trying to shake loose the survival mode, the self-doubt, the imposter syndrome, the near crippling anxiety I sometimes feel before publicly speaking a word from God. These are the moments I wish God would physically appear before me and tell me what to do. I desperately want to do what God wants me to do. I am terrified that I am living selfishly; that this is some kind of twisted narcissism disguised as holy ambition. I know that ambition is unsustainable. In reality, I am just trying to live. This is what is not often spoken of with Saturn returns. A spiritual mentor of mine reminded me that many don't make it through. Some of the greats burned so bright they combusted; others lived in denial. Both of those pathways are of suffering. I know God has a big purpose for me. If you are an old soul like me, it feels pivotal to not miss the turn, to not risk – even remotely–the possible chance of repeating this karmic loop. I want to go home. I am a soul ready to rise. I have ascended too high now, to fall would be to fall. To hurt. Immense suffering. No, thank you. I need an answer. I need clarity. But the universe won't give it to me. I already know the answer. Practically speaking, however, it truly is a difficult thing to choose one's life purpose and path. To decide, "This is it. This is what I am going to master over the next several decades, maybe even for the rest of my life." I can't miss this turn. I cannot repeat the mistakes of my ancestors. But the beauty is, there are so many delicious options within a human life. At this moment, my human suffers from not having stillness, slowness, a farm, hours and hours to spend in the kitchen processing food I grew from seed. My very alternate universe that seems to be taking over revolves around technology, AI, fast-paced living, contracts, stages, and travel. That feels like someone else's life. Farm life seems familiar to me. My family, my ancestors, are farmers. Who am I to speak to millions of people, sharing messages from the divine? That is insane. Hide me in a field somewhere, twining tomatoes with a hummingbird on my head. Deep down, I know that familiar is not the answer. Familiar is comfortable and safe, and this is not the lifetime where I walk in the footsteps of my ancestors. No, this is the lifetime I create a new path and create a new legacy, and forge a new revolution. Urgh, why do I have to be the revolutionary? My ancestors were gunned down in their fields. The farm fields no longer exist in my name. It breaks my heart. My mind worries about the future of humanity. Will they ever eat an heirloom tomato, or eggplant – who will pass on the seeds? In this lifetime, I am a steward of the mind and spirit. I am a soul healer. I am a public speaker, a poet, a writer, a conscious business leader. I did not choose this; I was awakened to it. It is not the easy path. I am the oracle, the prophet, the modern medicine woman. I am a star, the techno shaman. No one has ever existed before me. There will be no other like me. I am being hurtled into destiny. I do not like it; in fact, I fear it. But I have no other choice because I love God more than I love anything else in this world. I cannot look away from the truth, I will not miss the next step, I will walk through this fire with a smile on my face and tears in my eyes. Yes, this is beautifully insane. I am not asking for your opinion. I am just informing you that my answer is yes.

-- Choosing Our Life Path

Raileigh Easterling is the Founder of Conscious Lifestyle Coaching LLC. She is a motivational author, poet, & public speaker; a transformational retreat host & mindfulness teacher; and a business & public relations consultant. Conscious Lifestyle Coaching LLC is a sacred space for entrepreneurs, changemakers, and visionaries on the path of self-development, healing, and spirituality to experience transformation and holistic growth.

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